things an adjunct can do over the summer

  • brag about the fact that teachers get summers off, too! just like the kids! we’re just like the kids.
  • open 47 craiglist tabs for obscure freelance jobs that simply say “competitive pay”
  • talk about taking a vacation but never really take one. you’re broke, remember
  • tweak the CV to add the spring semester onto the ol’ experience section
  • marathon a netflix show like the rest of society
  • open up a new credit card.
  • you know, actually write. (ha ha. hahahaha.)
  • spend time on your hobbies.
  • remember that you have no hobbies. You only know grading and coffee
  • wonder what the tenure track faculty are up to now.
  • count how many friend requests you get from former students.
  • tell yourself “I’m going to spend the whole day in pjs!” like it’s an accomplishment
  • read your student evaluations while drinking copious wine
  • throw away student papers but keep the portfolios. those are some nice $3 folders, man
  • watch your college webmail slowly sink down the list of “frequently visited sites”
  • try out that “couch to 5k” app for a few days
  • don’t even look at your credit card statement. just close your eyes and keep swiping your card. It’ll all be over soon.
  • get really into trying new recipes. pretend to like spicy food. (aka stop buying chili flakes, you’re never going to like them.)
  • leave to go grocery shopping at 5:15pm, forgetting that 5 o’clock traffic is actually a real thing
  • see a noon showing of a movie none of your friends wanted to see.
  • create an online “presence” just in case a potential client emails you or whatever
  • pretend to dread fall semester
  • but remember that it’s a job in your field, and that’s better than nothing.
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